Rule 1: well if you reach my front gate and start honking,well make sure you're only there to deliver something.cuz you wont be taking anything or anyone.
Rule 2: Don't be all touchy-feely with my kid behind my back,or in front of me.if you can't help yourself from touching her.let me help you by chopping of your hands and keeping them at home with me.
Rule 3:Well i know the latest trend is to have your pants hanging of your knees,and revealing the brand of underwear you wear.I'm cool with that..But i will have to staple your pants to your hips when you're out on a "date" with my kid.just a preventive measure,so your pants doesn't decide to 'fall off"..
Rule 4: I'm sure you've heard of all those "safe sex" campaigns, those white folks preach to you on the tube.about how using protection can prevent unwanted pregnancies, STD's yada yada..well, let me tell you something,with my kid.I AM the protection.and WILL cause such grievous harm,one so intense,that you'll rather wish for a life threatening STD.at least you'll live longer that way..
Rule 5: well it's normal,when you want to get to know me,you'll talk about politics,sports, etc etc.stuff you think I'll be interested in..well here's news to your mama,there's only one topic I'd want to discuss and that's how early you're gonna bring my kid back..And the only ONE answer I'd like to hear: ASAP..
Rule 6: Well i know you're a heartthrob, Mr.popular everywhere you go..and i don't have any qualms about that..but if you're out chasing other girls,while dating my daughter,and you make her cry..i will chase you down with my car,and run you over..twice.and i won't even bother to make it look like an accident..
Rule 7: If you're waiting for my princess to get ready,you best be not complaining about the time she takes..if u want someone punctual,go date an army officer..If you're tired of waiting outside,you can use the time to do something useful..like wash my car...or paint my gate..
Rule 8: The following places are banned for your dates:
a)any place,room,premises with a bed,sofa,or a soft ground to sit upon.
b)any place without the presence of older responsible folk,the police,a priest,an imam,or a monk.
c) any place that requires close proximity,dancing,hand holding,bodies touching.
d)any warm place,that requires my girl to wear as little clothing as she can.
E) any cold place that requires you to warm her up with your body heat.
F)any place showing romantic movies,with kissing scenes..(scenes of devastation by an enraged father's wrath is ok.better yet, if it's about him protecting his little girl from bad men..)
Rule 9: Don't you ever dare lie to me..i may look out of shape,and old.but trust me,i will know your movements.If i ask you where you're goin,and with who.you only have one chance to answer the truth..i own a shotgun,a battle axe,a hoe and 5 acres of forested land behind my house.I usually hunt wild boar there..AND i will NOT hesitate to hunt you there.trust me,no one will hear your screams...
Rule 10: you should be afraid me of..very very afraid..i WAS the war at Afghanistan,and until now i still feel the need to shoot down anyone who sneakily wanders into my compound..so when you're sending my Daughter home,make sure to yell out clearly,with your hands up, "I'm just sending your daughter home sir".,and subsequently leave the area..no need for friendly chats,or to come in for tea..Cuz that red dot on your head,ain't just any pretty light..that's the laser pointer from my military commissioned M4, 5.56mm carbine rifle..after the war i still use it..to kill rogue elephants in Africa.usually with a single shot.so yes it IS very powerful..
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