So,your smile your weapon,your laughter your ammo..Never has anyone seen you at your darkest hours...some wouldn't have thought that maybe you are capable of sorrow..capable of tears instead of smiles..But you'll never let that happen..Not if you can help it..you clam up,tight,never letting your guard down.cautiously listening to every compliment that comes your way..
You bury your sadness..deep deep within..kept locked like a vault..you'd never let yourself to be caught bare and defenseless..one would have to go deeper and deeper almost inception like,to find what really lies behind that smile of yours, without your usual facade of happiness surrounding you..Tell me this,who would have ever guessed your tears would be as warm as theirs...because it is..so many people you have lent your ears too,your shoulder to cry on..but how many can say they have done the same for you?..who has ever met that side of you that sat alone one fine day,in the confines of your sanctuary and just bawled your eyes out about how unfair things were to you?,or when simple things reminded you of what use to be and you're suddenly overcome by raw emotion?,or if you came home one day,and just found yourself just wanting to cry in the shower,to want to believe that the warm water would offer solace and wash away your pain?.who would have ever guessed,that you have actually cried yourself to sleep,or probably still do?.tears mixing with your dreams,creating lurid emotions you'd never want to feel again....That getting up every morning was a chore,and that maybe being happy was something you just didn't feel like doing that day?..
But then again. surprisingly, the very next moment,when someone asked if everything was ok,you laughed it off and changed the subject.No one shall ever know more about you then they need to..Yes you want to be portrayed as strong,yes you are a fighter,you don't want to be bogged down by emotions..But then again, sometimes under intense strain,the strongest structures crumble too...
Questions are eluded,topics get changed..No one has ever penetrated that fortress that is you and your feelings..buried deep down like sunken treasure..
you don't feel the need to speak more than necessary about yourself..you really don't know how many out there could just sit all day and listen to you talk..
you really don't know how many out there would do all they can to prevent that one tear from falling down..you bottle your emotions up..and try to make them go away..you channel it out in other forms..you blame yourself for things that was never your fault..you beat yourself up thinking how you could have made a difference..
But here's the thing..nothing was ever your fault.you'd be silly to blame yourself for every single problem that came your way,you're not doing anyone or heck,yourself a favour by being blamed.yes things get taken away from us,people who said they'd stay,walked out,friends turn on you.But why take the responsibility to be blamed.when honestly.nothing was your doing?.things happen..... moreover never view those few who has your interest at heart,as having a certain unprecedented motive. .
That every action they do,is intended to cause grief of hurt,or to plainly just use you.some honestly just care about you..ever thought about that?..Not everyone is out to get you.some just care,that's all..Not everyone leaves.some really intend to stay the moment they laid eyes on you.my only advice,keep them close to heart.It wouldn't hurt to lean on someone for a change,instead of you being the wall everyone depends on..
one day when you come to terms with that,and actually stop being sorry about every single thing(an advice i could do with sometimes)..you'll actually see that the world ain't that bad of a place,and you'll even learn to love it and the people around you...When that day comes,you know it would be worth all the pain you've felt so far..
You bury your sadness..deep deep within..kept locked like a vault..you'd never let yourself to be caught bare and defenseless..one would have to go deeper and deeper almost inception like,to find what really lies behind that smile of yours, without your usual facade of happiness surrounding you..Tell me this,who would have ever guessed your tears would be as warm as theirs...because it is..so many people you have lent your ears too,your shoulder to cry on..but how many can say they have done the same for you?..who has ever met that side of you that sat alone one fine day,in the confines of your sanctuary and just bawled your eyes out about how unfair things were to you?,or when simple things reminded you of what use to be and you're suddenly overcome by raw emotion?,or if you came home one day,and just found yourself just wanting to cry in the shower,to want to believe that the warm water would offer solace and wash away your pain?.who would have ever guessed,that you have actually cried yourself to sleep,or probably still do?.tears mixing with your dreams,creating lurid emotions you'd never want to feel again....That getting up every morning was a chore,and that maybe being happy was something you just didn't feel like doing that day?..
But then again. surprisingly, the very next moment,when someone asked if everything was ok,you laughed it off and changed the subject.No one shall ever know more about you then they need to..Yes you want to be portrayed as strong,yes you are a fighter,you don't want to be bogged down by emotions..But then again, sometimes under intense strain,the strongest structures crumble too...
Questions are eluded,topics get changed..No one has ever penetrated that fortress that is you and your feelings..buried deep down like sunken treasure..
you don't feel the need to speak more than necessary about yourself..you really don't know how many out there could just sit all day and listen to you talk..
you really don't know how many out there would do all they can to prevent that one tear from falling down..you bottle your emotions up..and try to make them go away..you channel it out in other forms..you blame yourself for things that was never your fault..you beat yourself up thinking how you could have made a difference..
But here's the thing..nothing was ever your fault.you'd be silly to blame yourself for every single problem that came your way,you're not doing anyone or heck,yourself a favour by being blamed.yes things get taken away from us,people who said they'd stay,walked out,friends turn on you.But why take the responsibility to be blamed.when honestly.nothing was your doing?.things happen..... moreover never view those few who has your interest at heart,as having a certain unprecedented motive. .
That every action they do,is intended to cause grief of hurt,or to plainly just use you.some honestly just care about you..ever thought about that?..Not everyone is out to get you.some just care,that's all..Not everyone leaves.some really intend to stay the moment they laid eyes on you.my only advice,keep them close to heart.It wouldn't hurt to lean on someone for a change,instead of you being the wall everyone depends on..
one day when you come to terms with that,and actually stop being sorry about every single thing(an advice i could do with sometimes)..you'll actually see that the world ain't that bad of a place,and you'll even learn to love it and the people around you...When that day comes,you know it would be worth all the pain you've felt so far..
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