How now brown cow?

A heifer may fool you by farting;
You may tut at a ram's roaring rear.
But the genuine trouble is starting
When they moo and they baa at you, dear.

The Earth looks like going to burn out:
And it's all down to cud, and its eaters.
Each day Daisy's burping can turn out,
In methane, some two hundred litres.

Yes, the ruminant herds, silly arses,
Turn the world to a rank weeded garden.
They're eating the wrong kind of grasses,
And worse, they will never beg pardon.

But – and this is the same, whole world over –
We can feed them, and nourish them better.
If cattle and sheep are in clover,
And if children learn laws to the letter,

And if partners got over each hiccup,
We'd be winning the greenhouse gas battle.
Good husbandry: great theme to pick up,
With council house tenants and cattle.

You may think that my mouth is abhorrent,
With my thoughts about family, divorce –
But, though noxious, my speech, in a torrent,
Has come through my sphincter, of course.